So.. I get this email from her entitled "Food Network". My first thought is maybe something happened to her dish and suddenly she's not getting it anymore. Then.. I open and read what she says:

Well Dear Daughter--------I am getting educated by watching the Food Network.  Last evening they focused on the Hershey and Mars chocolate companies.  Very interesting.  And I learned what the M&M's on the candies mean!!!!!  They stand for Mars and Murphy, the names of the men who invented them!!   Now just how educated can one person get??????????????

I love my mom. :-D

...I really do. Even though he was raised under a rock.

Gods, this week is lasting forever.

So, what's going on.. hmm. For starters, Mom got her staples out of her knee last Thursday. She's been doing much better since then. Making more and more progress.

Last night bought her a new Westinghouse 32 inch LCD widescreen HDTV. So far it's going well and she likes it. Need to get a new cable to connect the DVD player to the tv though.

Anyway.. we're getting ready to head into work.

Must take the claritin at morning. I think it has a stimulant to make it 'non-drowsy' because for the second night in a row I got 2-3 hours sleep then was up the rest of the night tossing and turning, unable to sleep.

Anyway, gotta run. laters.

Dear god today is not starting well. Forgot to keep track of how many darvocet pills mom had left, and she ran out over the weekend. We stretched it out as much as we could, and she took the vicodin at night. However, she has none today. She's not taking any of the vicodin during the day. The kicker? She has physical therapy at 11:30am. Two hours. She's in pain, and when she's in pain she is kinda cranky. *sighs*

Oh.. did i mention that the heat doesn't work? Apparently the pressure switch on the furnace went bad. Got a service call in yesterday, he's ordering the part today, but it will take a few days to get in. So yea, we're without heat.

This morning is NOT gonna be fun, and the day isn't looking up either.

***UPDATE***
Got physical therapy rescheduled to 6:30pm. It's late, but by then she'll assuredly have her pills.

Depressed bad tonight. Pretty much crying myself to sleep.

Just hard. My knees are hurting bad. Meijers was having a Dr. sholes shoe sale, buy one get one for a doller. made each pair about 18 or less. Picked up two pair of really nice black leather shoes. One is casual, closed toe shoes for everyday use, another is a small pump that's really comfy. The only two closed toe shoes I had were my grey boots and a pair of white sneakers. I wanted to get a brown pair of the casuals, but they didn't have any my size. Need to break them in. Left fits perfect, but the right seems a bit too long. I have funky feet anyway: left is a 7 1/2 medium, right is a 7 wide. Near impossioble to get a single pair to fit comfortably.

Anyway, I needed the shoes because its so cold and rainy up here. All I brought were my sandals. My knees are giving out too. Really hurting. Mom doesn't have a working dishwasher so I have to stand there and hand wash everything.

That isn't helping things at all. Mom is... difficult to say the least. Emotional and cranky is about the best way I can describe it. She was doing so well in the hospital. I feel like I'm failing to help her since we've not been doing what we need to do. She's not helping though. Puts off taking her pain meds and resisting taking them at all. I'm trying to be patient, but many times she just doesn't trust me at all, doesn't believe that I've got a brain and know what I'm doing. Trying to be patient, but its quickly wearing me down.

Keep hearing a conversation I had with my sister some time ago. She was saying that I have a real 'gift' for being able to take care of people like I do. What I should have told her is that its not so much that, as I'm able to put on that mask for a time and do what needs to be done. I do it, I don't enjoy it. I'm very good at hiding the pain it causes, hiding the frustraition. I don't let them see me curling up at night and crying myself to sleep wondering how I'm going to make it through the next day.

What hurts the most is that I know it doesn't go both ways. I help everyone else, I be there when they need me, but they will never be there for me. Never really have. Sure Mom's done all the mom stuff, but.. no one can help me with my problems. I stand by them, but I stand alone. Its how its always been. Maybe its my own fault for being able to take care of myself for the most part. Doing what I can to adapt to my difficulties. I don't know.

All I can say is how thankful I am to have quu. He's been with me through the worst, stuck it out and helped me through it. I can count on him. In many ways he is a shealter from the storms of my craziness. I feel so alone up here. Like a lone tree in the middle of a field being buffited by the storms. Just want to go home so bad right now.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Part of my problem is I don't think I've been taking my meds. I know I took them today, but think I forgot for the past 2-3 days. Feel scatterbrained, frustraited, tired, and just short tempered.

Miss my home. Miss my bed. Miss the fuzzy kitties. Miss the puppy belly. And most of all I miss my husband.

Anyone got a spare set of ruby slippers?

[Posted with hblogger 2.0 http://www.normsoft.com/hblogger/]

Doc sent her home today. She's doing great. I'm... remembering how hard this was for me last time. Doesn't help that all I want to do is go curl up and sleep for a week. So fucking tired.

She's napping right now. I should clean, but dammit I'm going to go lay down. I can barely keep my eyes open.

No sleep last night.

Well, more like little sporadic bits of sleep here and there. Around 3am the maintainance man for the cheese factory my mom works at called the house. He got his days mixed up and thought mom hadn't had her surgery yet. That wasn't the problem. The problem was that apparently there had been a fire at the plant. I was too sleepy to ask what happened or how bad it was, so the rest of the might I had psydo-nightmares about the entire plant being burned to the ground.

Did I mention it was freezing cold? When I crawled into bed, had on two shirts, my robe, and even a pair of socks. Buried myself under the sheet, wool blanket, comforter, AND a down comforter.

Oh, and there was a storm. When I finally left the hospital it was all wet, but after I got home it started raining, then grew into a full blown Michigan spring storm. Lasted from about Midnight till 2:30-3am.

*sighs*

Its astonishing that BOTH of mom's knees were the two worst knees her doctor has ever seen. And, this is NOT a young doctor.

Today she did very well. Had a bout of bad nausea before I made it in. Got there in time for their group excersises. Mom really pushes herself. We ate lunch there then she fell back asleep shortly thereafter. That's when I ran to do errands, get american idol set up, etc.

Speaking of american idol...

Mom told me I had to tape this weeks shows for her. Yes, you read right... TAPE. As in.. VHS. Went to target for a few other things, they didn't have any. Went to best buy with little hope. Found a guy and told him "I have an impossible task for you" where in which he proved, while difficult, it was indeed not impossible. Got their last bunch. As in, they are not planning on getting anymore. Started to head to the casheir when I turned to the two guys who ended up helping me and said, "I already know the answer, but I gotta ask: Any Wii's?"

Their answer was a chours of "Yes".

My response: "YOU'RE SHITTING ME!!!!"

Apparently they were frustraited at the fact all their stock was going to the ebay resellers and just instituted a new "policy" of sorts. They are no longer putting them on the shelves. Ebayers simply won't ask a sales person "Can I get 10 wii's?" Personally I wouldn't mind seeing places to the whole "one per customer" thing. Sure, the bold few will work around it, but most won't bother.

Anyway, mine wasn't the last either. A guy heard my exclimations and came over to find out if it was indeed wii's. There was a guy and his son in front of me, the older one behind, and I got the impression there were even more in the back. So, anyone looking for a wii, go to your local best buy. I dunno if its just a decision that this local manager decided, or if its a chain policy now. Either way, support best buy and their effort to defeat the evil resellers (though I blame the people who buy the resold stuff cause if people didn't buy them, no one would resell).

That's what that voice post was about. Doesn't say "hello everyone", says "I got one!" Sorry for the crappy sound. *sighs*

So yesterday I got my wii, set it up and have it working with the wireless.Today I bought Endless Ocean and LOVE it. Beautiful music. Contols can be difficult at times. Perfect time eater. So relaxing. Was just what I needed. Why?

Well, time with mom was pretty good. she had a spot of pain, but not bad and the nausia wasn't back at all. She slept most the time. I left arounf 7:30ish to go make sure her american idol taped properly. My knees, feet, and head were all killing me. Between lack of sleep and the crazy MI weather, I'm suprised my head didn't explode.

Since I didn't want to really buy a game and end up hating it (when games were 15 bucks not much of an issue, but 50 doller games is nothing to sneeze at) I went over to the only rental place I knew of (blockbuster closed sometime after Nov). They didn't have Endless Ocean, even for sale. Frustraited I just said fuck it and left. Not having an account anymore, not sure if they would let me open one with an out of state addy. As I'm pulling out of the parking space, I notice a car pulling in, seemingly heading straight towards me. Stupid me am so focused on the incoming car... I failed to notice the car behind me. *sighs* Tapped the bumper. Didn't do any real damage to the old chrystler, but it slightly dented mom's bumper and left rubber residue. Gods I wish it had been MY car. I'm scared to death that Mom's gonna get in trouble for it.

Ran into the store, talked to the car owner, who really didn't care since it didn't do any damage. I still am kicking myself for not leaving my cell number 'just in case'. Better than then him suddenly trying to contact mom. Doubt anything will come of it anyway. Shouldn't take much to get the dent out anyway. Just.. gah.

Even more frustraited, I make my way towards the house and detour to best buy (it is literally on the way). Endless Ocean is 30 bucks, Smash Brothers is 50... hmmm... lemme see... Yeah, got endless ocean.

Came home, almost 8:30, and American Idol is STILL going on. Its their funraiser thing. Growling, I go to get on the puter to make the donation mom asked me to, only to find that the CD rack with all her CDs had tipped over while I was away.

Move the rack, put back the CDs, make the donation, though I can't find my cell phone in my bag. While I'm looking for it, notice during a commercial break that the VCR had stopped recording. I stick endless ocean in, but while I'm trying to figure out how to get the Wii to display (switching to line 2 with a button buried in the remote), I notice that although the VCR did what I told it to, American Idol was STILL GOING ON!!! GAH! I make the mad rush to get it recording again. Would you believe I had just rewound it? Thankfully it was some girl's rock/country performance, and it only clipped the first half of it. Oh.. and THEN.. Right at the end, just as Maria Carey is comming on stage, the tape gets to the end and starts to rewind. I had forgotten to put it in EP mode. FuckinA. Another mad rush to put a new tape in. I hope mom doesn't mind too much. I didn't care for the song anyway. She'll love the fact I got what was important: the closing performance of the idol finalist singing a "praise and worship" song. I'm temped to install itunes on mom's computer just to buy that song for her. Its one of her favs too. That's twice now that they have had christian themes going on. Dolly Parton and her song when she 'mentored' last week, then this. Flat out suprised me.

Anyway.. the best thing was, right after I got Idol retaping the first time.. Robin Williams came out. He's such a good comedian. Had me in near tears. Just what I needed.

After all the taping was done, Finally got into my game. So much fun. I'll 'review' it later.

Crashing now. Should have 3 hours ago. Once again gotta get up early, and its fucking cold out (barely above 30 right now I think).

Night peeps.

[Posted with hblogger 2.0 http://www.normsoft.com/hblogger/]

She's out of surgery and doing fine. Doctor said this knee was like the other, worst he's ever seen in his professional career (we're talking 20 or so years of surgery). Said it was like barnicals rubbing together. I think he means the ends of the bones. Her Ostiogenis Imperficta means her bones are less dence, almost like a sponge. Its a mirical this hasn't caused her any pain. I've had my knee go out once like she does. Only way to describe it is that it is like you take a step and suddenly your leg isn't there. Very scary, but not painful. Well, unless you are not able to catch yourself and fall.

Oh, and this hospital has NO WIFI!! Suprisingly my sister went through more withdrawl than I.

Right now waiting for them to let us go back to the recovery room. She's still in post-op.

[Posted with hblogger 2.0 http://www.normsoft.com/hblogger/]

Tomorrow morning I take mom to the hospital. Her surgery is around 11pm est. My sister is driving up for the day, thanfully.

Today has been a day. Woke up and ran errands. First to stop into the office and drop off a few things along with get some info about my car. Right now it has MI plates, but they have to be changed to GA soon. Quu is gonna have to go get them from the DMV and mail them up here (which he had better do ASAP). From there ran over to Meijers to pick up a few things, food stuffs and some tubbies for orginizing. Picked up lunch from BK, got home, ate then "The Great Clean" began. Pretty much the first thing I did was go into this side room (my old, old room) which is now a storage room. Took a BUNCH of stuff and packed them into two tubbies. Opened up half the floor in there. From there, started to put some other stuff away but then had to sort the hall closet because that is where the towels and bedding go.

Now, at first mom was kinda tolerant of me and my activies, but as the night wore on she kept complaining about nothing getting done and 'getting side tracked'. She doesn't understand that her "four box" method only works if you have SOMEPLACE to PUT those boxes!! I remembered from last time I was here, we'd get things sorted out, but have no where to put them. So this time I decided to do that room FIRST so we would have a place to put stuff. Now that all that is done, I've already got one big mountain of crap moved out, half was sheets for the closet!! She just doesn't get it. Also, a LOT of stuff is boxes I need to break down and toss out. It finally got to the point where I was all but shouting "I don't want to hear it, we got a LOT done!!". She did laugh when I told her she was only seeing what wasn't done, not what was done. Apparent she's told her boss that far too many times. "What goes around comes around," she said. Too true. I know I'm guilty of it, but then I know it and then TRY to see what has been done. Its easier when someone else is around, except with my mom. Almost wanted to strangle her.

Anyway, lots of progress, and I can get a bit more done by the time she get's home. Problem is that they only get trash pickup once a week and with the creek you can't use a trashcan (they always end up in the creek). Boxes left alone threaten to blow away, so I want to chop them up. Just need to get a box cutter. could have sworn mom had one before, but can't find it.

Gods my knees hurt.

One good thing is I found this huge wooden board. Now all I need is someplace to put it. If I can get more floor space cleared in the storage room I can get more of the tubbies in this room (my old room [note only one old]) out. Then I can pu my luggage on the ground and maybe set my laptop on the piano bench. Yes, we have an old, badly out of tune upright piano. Been so long I always forget about it. Though with Mom in the hospital I can probablly set it up somewhere it would normally be in her way.

Ugg.. tired. I crash now.

[Posted with hblogger 2.0 http://www.normsoft.com/hblogger/]

Well, made it through church and lunch with my grandpa and aunt. Thankfully the two of them were kind enough not to smoke while we were there. My allergies to tabacco smoke is worse since our bought with broncitius. Now just sitting around the house of some friends of her's waiting for mom's small group to show up.

---

Ok.. just realized I didn't post this earlier. Anyway, was a nice visit with mom's friends. Then we drove down to see my sister's family. The kids were spastic and crazy, but good. Had probably the best taco salad I've ever had, then drove mom and I home.

Poked around on the net, called Quu on his way to bed, and poked around on the net even more. Dunno why but I'm kinda bummed out now. Wish I could get my laptop set up properly. But doubt that will happen till after mom goes into the hospital. just have NO WHERE to put it. So much clutter that just about every surface area avaliable is taken up.

Miss home. Miss my friends. Miss my husband.

Hope mom is right and I might be coming home after only a month or so. Dunno. Only time will tell.

[Posted with hblogger 2.0 http://www.normsoft.com/hblogger/]

Slept in LATE. Mom went to work in the morning because there was some stuff that needed to be done before she went on leave. Really wish the company would invest in hireing someone actually qualified for the office. The girls are nice, but they are just local gals who don't have much experiance. One just makes screwball mistakes because she never asks questions, another can only do what she's told, and the third has english as her second language and mom has to proofread all her corrospondance. *sighs* But... no one listens.

Anyway, got up and we went to Bob Evans for lunch. Mom went home to clean while I ran some errands. Exchanged my Rocketfish bluetooth for the Jawbone. Winced writing the check, but I'm finding it well worth it. Need to fiddle with the zillion adjustable pieces to get it to fit perfectly, but otherwise it seems to work fine.

After best buy I ran to walmart for some other stuff for mom. Ended up buying a messenger bag. Why? I couldn't pack either of my purses. While my waller has a wrist strap, I find it akward to carry like that the majority if the time. I've always wanted a messenger bag anyway. Since I've already got two purses I can switch between, well actually three, I didn't really want another one. My mom has assorted bags I can use, but as anyone can attest to, its a bitch to get the little things out when they fall to the bottom. This bag has the big main pouch (really big too), one small zippered pouch inside the lip of the big one, two velcroed pouches on the inside under the flap, and one thin velcroed one along the back behind the big one (not under the flap). Only issue I'm having is it not keeping its shape. Came with a piece of cardboard, so thinking of putting it in the back slot to help it retain the overall rectangle shape. Things still pile on the bottom, but I can atleast keep the smaller stuff seperated. Hmmm.. wonder if my laptop will fit.. probably not.

So anyway, get home do some chores, then its time to cook dinner. Wasn't sure what I wanted to do, as I had two boneless/skinless chicken breasts dethawed. Anyway I go I am gonna need spices, so that means another trip to the store. (Most of mom's spices predate ME.) I get there, pick up a few general combo ones, then decide to bite the bullet and take a risk. Gonna try a stir fry. Got sliced water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, bean shoots (or whatever those white things with tiny leaves are, since I'm tired and can't remember), stirfry sause and a few other things.

I come home and get right to work. Pound out the chicken as much as I can, then slice it into chuncks before putting them in a large skillet (no, don't have a wok). Drizzle on some seasme oil and stir fry sause before opening the cans of water chestnuts and bamboo. Didn't add the sprouts since I was already worried there would be too much food. Add a bit of chopped carrots and heat it all on med low at first before bumping it up to medium heat. Then just stir, add more sause and oil, stir more. Once the chicken looked done, let it cook for a bit longer before slicing one of the bigger pieces and prouncing it done. When served, it needed a bit more stir fry sause, but otherwise it was great. Mom loved it. Very little left over. maybe one serving I'm hopeing to reheat once mom goes into the hospital.

Cleaned a bit more before I had to help Mom get into bed. Not so much she neede help actually getting INTO bed, as she had gotten stuff all over it while trying to sort it out. I love my mom, but I know where I get my emotial crankiness when I'm dead tired from.

Poked around on her netflix before crawling into bed to type this out.

Also need to contact the Mundu support people for the treo 650 patch as mine keeps resetting all the damn time. Worked fine until I patched it. If I don't respond to an IM, its likely I've been disconnected because of the damn thing. Very frustraiting.

Miss everyone, but overall things are going fine. Have to wake up at 8am tomorrow because mom wants to go to church. After that is lunch with grandpa and a few other family, then off to meet with a bunch of mom's friends who she hasn't seen since before christmas.

Hopefully will be around somewhat.

[Posted with hblogger 2.0 http://www.normsoft.com/hblogger/]

Right now tatianamik is visiting. She's working up in Ft. Oglthorp (sp) now and came down here to sign the lease on their house, get the keys, and sign up for the water bill. I don't know what it is about Cobb Water that they have so many issues doing -anything- electronically. They move in on the 12th of April (which I already posted about here). So, another goodie to come home to. Not only will my floors be done, but the girls will be here. We might also have a new LCD TV. You know, if the floors ARE done, I'd almost say maybe we can have a 'welcome home' party. Maybe not the day I get back, since I'm gonna want some major quu snugglin and snogging before any socializing. AAAANNNNNDD, if I'm really really lucky.. I'll be bringing home a Wii along with my new car (have I mentioned that yet?). While up there I'm going to check around to see if they might have a better supply, but I'm getting the feeling that it's going to have to wait till I get home and take a LOT of work.

Work to get a Wii you ask? Well, apparently what it will take is getting up at like 10am, calling all the gamestops within a 20 mile radius to see if they got a shipment in, if so, rushing over to buy one before anyone else. I am NOT buying one off ebay. Apparently gamestop sells out within an hour of opening when they DO get a shipment in. I bet it is the same with all the Walmarts, Targets, Best Buys, etc. It will have to wait till I get back since then I'll actually have a car of my own (did I mention that yet?).

Since I can't seem to find it anywhere in my journal, I'll go ahead and mention it here. Pardon me if this is double posting.

So, yes.. I'm getting my own car. How? Why? Well, for starters, my mom works for a cheese factory up in Michigan as their Office Manager/Bookkeeper/Company Mother. Through a series of events I will not cite here, the company now has a leased 2008 Honda Civic that they have no use for. After much thought, they decided to try and find someone to take over the lease. The first one asked, and apparently the ones preferred by the general manager, was Quu and I. The two of us went over it all, our finances, etc, asked a few questions about the lease, and then decided it would be a good thing. We've been talking about now for some time about getting me my own car, though I was thinking more along the lines of a tiny used truck with a cap (not the camper thing, just the hard cap over the back). Our current civic is about to be completely paid off as well as Quu's yearly salary increase will more than cover the monthly payments. Yes, it's a lease, but it has 12k miles a year and we can turn it in to a honda dealer down here. Because it has to stay in pristine shape, this will be primarily used for me going short trips around town, which is what we're looking for anyway. So, all the papers have been signed, it's already on our insurance, and I've got a one way ticket to Michigan for April 2.

Er.. that reminds me, Have I told y'all that my mom is having her second knee surgery on April 8? Well.. ahhh.. I just did. So yea, I'm heading up there April 2 and will be staying up there as long as I need, probably a minimum of two months. It might go quicker this time around because this isn't her driving knee. We'll see. Anyway, once it's time to come home, I'll just be driving. Long ass trip, but.. enh.

ATTENTION ANYONE LIVING BETWEEN MICHIGAN AND GEORGIA!

Ok, if you're a friend of mine or Quu and wouldn't mind a visitor sometime in.... oh.. late may through late june (maybe) please feel free to speak up! I dunno when or what route I'm going to be taking, but part of me really wants to find a few friends along the way to stop and say hi to, maybe crash for the night to break up this hideous trip. Currently I'm contemplating swinging through memphis to see my friends there. Technically it will make my trip longer, but.. It would be nice to see them. The route I took before went through Illinois and then Missouri, but if folks are elsewhere along that trip but through a different way I'll be willing to see how to make it in. If it breaks it up, I'd be all the happier.

Yea, I wanna get home ASAP, but.. I don't want to drive all that way straight through. I hate to say it, but I'm not as young as I used to be. *ducks the obvious stones being thrown* More meaning that I can't go on as little sleep as I used to. Six to eight hours seems about my max drive tolerance.

So anyway, if you wouldn't mind me dropping in, lemme know.

ottom: Birthday plans and other stuff:

Most everyone know, but just an fyi, this sat, battle and brew. RSVP on Ottom's journal please.

So, after two nights of restless sleep and a cough that is near killing him, I managed to drag pat into the doctor.

I was right, sorta. No.. it's not congestion, or at least not completely.

He's got bronchitis. Ya.. that's right..bronchitis. I noticed i started coughing yesterday, and my restless sleep and constant lethargy might be signs I have it as well. Tomorrow going in myself, though the problem might be that I have a history of asthma. Hopefully, if i do have it, since I'm catching it early i won't be as bad off as pat.

But anyway...

To anyone we've been around in the past two weeks, please be on the lookout if you start coughing a lot and find yourself having trouble breathing. Again, due to quarantine we won't be hanging out with peeps until we know we're in the clear. Knowing me, could be a while since I usually take double the time to kick a sickness than pat, though I usually have it much milder.

We'll keep ya updated. Just gotta remember to go to the doc tomorrow for me. For now, going on near 21 hours since i slept last. Hopefully this will fix my sleep schedule.. if only I can get a good restful sleep. Been having at the least unpleasant dreams, at the worst full blown nightmares. Had one where i nearly woke up screaming. Just thinking about it disturbs me to no end. That's the kicker... they are all WEIRD.. not really scary. And, talking to pat, he's having the same thing. Neither one of us have gotten a good restful sleep in over a week.

Oh, mental note: I must stay away from abuderal. That's the inhaler that i react badly too. Gives me the shakes and fucks up my perception. I wonder if this is what people feel like when they are on speed or something... dunno don't care. I don't like it and can barely function. Thank god for spell check or you people wouldn't be able to read this.

I think i'm gonna go curl up with my husband.

nini

Well, christmas is come and gone, still have a handful of cards to still send out.. hopefully before new years. *sighs* But.. got a LOT done.

( Cut for kids stuff. )

( Cake and Soup Adventures! )

( Christmas. )

( Gaming. )

( LJ Icons! )

( Health and Depression. )

( Da House! )

Gah.. that's about all I can think of.

Trying to get back in contact with friends again.. but it's hard. Ya'll know how bad I am at keeping in touch.

Looking forward to ShadowCon though.

Enough for now.. hope ya'll enjoy the LJ cuts.. didn't want to clog up the friends pages and make everyone ignore me. >_>;;;

Laters!

Tonight Pat and I were over at Tom's watching cool TV shows when I heard my phone beep.. text message. Curious, I pull it out and my jaw hit the floor. It was a notification from facebook... my old best friend from elementry and junior high had found me. Believe it or not, I've been looking for her for years. I think we had made brief contact once or twice when I was in college, but that email had since debunked and I've not been able to find her.

Turns out she's been looking for me too. I had tried searching Facebook for her before, but she just got signed up. I'm soooo happy! Part of me wants to jump in the car and drive down there to see her (and her family since I think she's got two kids now [very scary thought]).

Ya'll know how horrible I am at keeping in touch, and I've always beaten myself up for not being a better friend and losing contact. She was one of those friends who was like a sister to me. I remember the plans we had made, I think I found those drawings of the 'mansion' we were going to share.. her, me and Rochelle (who was going by Rhonda back then). Kids dreams, best friends forever, all that jazz. I never had many friends in school, but those two were the closest. It always did hurt that when Rochelle joined my highschool it was like she was a different person, we weren't even friends anymore. Not that she brushed me off, but that it was like meeting someone new all over again.

Anyway, I'm happy and I'm going to stay happy. It's been a good night. I plan to stay that way.

The good:

Last weekend was a blast!! Saturday, Pat, River and I walked to downtown Kennesaw for the "Taste of Kennesaw" going on by the train station. Was small but SOO fun. Lots of other puppies there. River was SOOO well behaved. She got kinda scared when a train went by, but she never barked or anything. Just skittish and shaking. It was a GORGEOUS day too. Sunday we stayed home, but I spent the day making my famous "Meat Buns". Though sadly I can't find my normal bread recipe and had to try a new one. Tried out an Egg Bread recipe that actually turned out really well. The only part that was kinda so so was that we over boiled the gravy and it was STRONG. But the REALLY fun part was that while I was cooking dinner, Pat cleared the table off and we played games while the food was cooking. Home cooked food and games, sooo much fun.

The bad:

River is currently in with the vet. Nothing unexpected, but this is her first round of heartworm treatments. They are keeping her in for 3 days (we dropped her off monday morning). Though the only kinda bad part was that they had done some xrays monday and there was something in her lungs. Probably just a piece of heartworm, but they wanted to call us and let us know, finding out if she's been acting odd (coughing whatever) the past few days. Apparently what the heartworm treatments do is slowly kill off the worms which then break apart and flow into the lungs where they get re-absorbed into the body. So that's probably what showed up on the xray. I really like our vet. Some wouldn't bother telling us this stuff.  Haven't heard anything today so I guess things are all ok. I pick her up tomorrow.. hopefully. Scary part is that even once we get her home we're supposed to keep her calm for a month. You ALL know how spastic she get's when we come out. We've got the name of a specific sedative to ask for if they don't give us something (who knows, they might just give it to us anyway). I think they will get to know exactly what we mean when we show up to pick her up and she freaks out. Anyway, I'll keep ya'll updated. Just really miss her right now.

The UGLY:

My laptop is dying.

Some of you might already know about this from Quu's journal (or maybe I've already posted about this? Hell if I know!), but a couple months ago I started getting these one pixel wide vertical lines going down my screen. The count is now up to 5: 1 cyan, 2 yellow, 2 magenta. The 5th line showed up when I was having a very very shitty day up in Michigan. Anyone who knows Quu knows that one of the primary ways he shows his love and affection is by buying gifts. (No.. not buying your love, but 'spoiling' people.) After I refused to talk to him (or anyone else that day) he never did get to tell me.. but when I got home he kept saying "You've got a surprise coming on the 19th!" My first thought was that I had out of town friends coming up to stay for an extended weekend or something. But no one would spill the beans even though Pat was all but BURSTING at the seams to tell me (god that man can't keep a secret to save his life, but i love him for it!). So eventually we go out with folks, i think to a movie or something, and I come back and find a Dell receipt  displayed on my web browser. Yes.. Pat had already bought me my new laptop. Yes.. it's shiny and new.. and while it was supposed to be here by tomorrow, won't be here till NEXT Friday.

Ugly part is having not only to move over all my files, but having to dig up all my old passwords and clean them off this puter. Ooo.. and my email. ;_; Thankfully I've already got all my MP3s moved over to a file server (which my itunes points to), but damnit I'm gonna lose my ratings on everything. GAAAHHH... anyone know how to share the ratings on songs in itunes form one computer to another? It is the one thing I hate about getting a new computer.. moving all my flies over. Though technically this one still works so I can use both... But i want to clean most my stuff off so I can let pat use this when we go out.

While I might miss my old full keyboard, I think Pat is going to get me a docking station for it so I can hook up my keyboard and mouse to it. Would do better on my back than having to reach up to the laptop (don't have a proper desk chair at the moment)


An now for something totally random:

Tonight: SCA Fighter Practice - 7:30-dark at Bell's Ferry Park

Yes.. I've been hiding. Retreating from just about everything to recoup from my previous trip... as well as refusing to face the fact that I'm heading back up there... in just a few hours.

Before ya'll yell at me.. Yes.. I know I need to take care of myself, and I have. I think I'd be worse off if I didn't go.

And it's not as bad as I make it sound sometime. This is my place to vent, to let spew forth the built up emotions and thoughts and exercise them in a harmless, and oftentimes productive, way.

I didn't even really start packing until Tue. Pat stayed home and helped me get working, but it's been a challenge to say the least. Been making lots of progress in my therapy. Going back over things with my family and hashing out the feelings and emotions there. Sometimes I wonder if a big part of my screwed up headspace is because I never really dealt with a lot of things growing up. Always been rather.. ambivalent to things.

Anyway.. I started this at like.. 4am and it's almost 9am now. plane leaves at 12:45. Laters.

... that i haven't been posting again, let alone keeping up with people's journals. *sighs* sorry about that.

It's been a rough past couple of months.

While my trip up north was fun and productive, it was taxing being away from home for so long. Not to mention frustrating that mom's surgery didn't go through. A week from today is her doctor's appointment and she'll find out if they are gong to go ahead with the surgery on the 10th or not. If yes, i'll be buying my plane tickets and going back up there, but I might just go ahead and cut back as much as I can on how long i'm up there. Four weeks max, not a day longer. That's about all I can do before I start to break down.

For those who don't know, River has heartworms. It's going to be hard when she has the injections because we have to keep her calm. Might have to ask for some sedatives because she get's exceedingly worked up when pat or I come home, even if we're only gone for 5 minutes. Ladye Gray's tests came back, she's doing perfectly fine, as are the rest of the cats. However, I just noticed that Sasha has some real bad matted knots in his fur. Worse than Sebastion EVER had. They are in sensitive spots too.. like under his neck and behind his ear. I find out last night from pat that while I was gone, Sasha got out and was trapped in the POOL for quite a long time (my guess is River chased him there). His fur is so fluffy, all it would take is a single twig or burr and his fur is real bad. I'm trying to cut them out as he'll let me.. but he's more slippery than Sebastion. *sighs*

I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things. Pat's been patient with me. All i've wanted to do was sleep and poke on the puter. Been cleaning on my own again.. not much, but it's slowly coming back.